I have never been able to dance at dances.. why don't you?

I used to be like that!

I remember back in grade 8 or 9 (somewhere around there) I went to my first dance. They held it in the school hall and there was a little cluster of people in front of the stage, shuffling from foot to foot looking awkward. Of course, I ran right over to my little group of friends and started jumping and waving my arms around, having an absolute ball, when one of my friends pulled me over to the side of the dancefloor and told me to stop, 'I'm saying this because I love you, but you're really embarrassing yourself.' For the rest of the night I shuffled awkwardly on the spot, slowly getting deafened by the fun, energizing music I couldn't stand not moving to.

I couldn't bring myself to join in any dance for the rest of high school, even at my formal/prom I made excuses and sat every dance out.

It wasn't until doing a year of service overseas that I danced again. I remember walking into a room where everyone was friends. We lived in dorms together, knew each other and I knew I was completely accepted by these people. However, it wasn't that easy. I walked into the room, froze and ran out crying. I couldn't believe that I was somehow fighting every impulse I had, for a reason I couldn't quite make sense of. I went back to my dorm and played some music, I moved around my room so easily and joyfully, I just couldn't understand why it was so different in front of other people, even my friends. Then another girl doing service at the school came into my room to talk. We ended up dancing around, being complete idiots and it was the first time in a long time I had felt that good about myself. I asked her if I looked like an idiot and she said yes and laughed, 'but that's the best part'.

We went back to that room and danced that night, all night, and haven't stopped since. Well, you know, whenever there is music anyway. Now I'm the one who breaks out in the clothes stores and is always that first person on the floor, who everyone laughs at for a few minutes before joining as well.

I remember though, the fear that I didn't know what I was doing, or that I was going to be judged or people would point and laugh like that did to 14 year old me at her first school dance. But I think what changed was when I stopped worrying so much about being wrong, maybe even wanted to be wrong for a little while, so I could learn more and maybe even experience something that those 'side to side shufflers' who would point and giggle will never be able to experience. I don't think dancing (at least for me) is about moving the right way, giving the right impression or displaying the right skills. I feel like its about courage, expression and throwing into the space what your spirit is aching to get out but usually doesn't, due to social expectations, embarrassment or for whatever reason we choose to hold it back. Its about expressing the beauty of music through movement, and sharing the movement of our spirit primarily with ourselves and by extension those around us. I don't think we should fear judgement from others, as those who watch us with judgement merely cannot feel what we feel, or are perhaps too scared to share it with the world. After all, is there a RIGHT way to express oneself? and if so, who is to say that we, the ones following our impulses and honestly conveying them to the world, are the right ones.

I think when you love yourself, love who you are, and embrace your right to share this with the world, things like dancing somehow cease to be as scary anymore. :)